How to become a fool

Saturday

10.24

Have you ever experienced something, that when something breaks, and you try repeatedly to fix with glue, tape, and whatever else you use, that when it just wouldn't work after some time? I did.........with my heart.

Why you may ask? Well............let's start on a warm, sunday afternoon. July 17th. With a canadian girl, Courtney.

I kind of look retarded here

It was a very sunny and warm sunday, and my older sister was brought along for her first service in years. I'm not going to go into details about her, but years ago, she was the one who introduced my family to what I think is the "true" christian denomination. Anyways, it was the end of the service, where everyone, and I mean everyone, would be crowding the hall by trying to line up for a piece of light snack and coffee that was being served. It's kind of funny how everyone seems to scramble OUT of service faster than they are trying to get IN.

I stood there around the edge of the crowd, where there was more room to breathe in. I don't particularly like crowds. But I stood as I waited while my older sister was chilling out at the "new visitors" room. It's a room for people, who have come to the church (not necessarily first-time/none/already are christians). It took a while, and I eventually wore myself out by scanning the different people crowding the building. So I debated whether I should go in myself (I had already been there), but I went in anyway. As I walked in, I found my sister having a conversation with a girl. I don't know why, but I assumed that she was church staff who stands by in the room to greet new-comers. My sister sees me and I am introduced to Courtney Payant. She was dressed in an elegant black dress, something that I subconsciously thought that every respectable, christian woman would be wearing. After talking for a bit, I later found out that she actually was a new-comer as well (we're in the new-comer's room, DUH *facepalm). She seemed so full of energy with her loud, strong voice and her eye-popping, but beautiful blue-green eyes.......and of course, her wide smile. We eventually reached to the part where we talked about hanging out sometime before I would leave for Denmark. We exchanged e-mails and I got her address.

It was late monday morning, the 18th. I wake up, initiating my routine check of emails, facebook notifications and whatnot. I also remembered to check the inbox of the address I gave Courtney, but strangely enough, I received 6 emails.................coming from a "Kelly". The messages were weird at first because they were worded in a different way. Something about how good-looking I was, and how hot I looked ( I swear that's what it said among other things). At that time, I thought it was spam, so I'd have the tendency to reply to spam/phising mails just for giggles. But sure enough, I got replies. It turned out that it was Courtney, and she was using her mom's email account. I thought it was a bit strange but I went with it. We sent emails back and forth and we eventually agreed on a time to meet at her place. I got dressed, ate, drank a can of Monster, bottle of water, packed another can for later use, shut down my computers, prepped my bike and away I went. I must admit, biking in Canada has kind of scared me. But it was a bit more challenging to bike about 14-15 kilometers in Canada's searing summer heat. I stopped for only 5 minutes beside a forest to have some water. While I was resting, I noticed that I already had 6-10 mosquitoes (about the size of cows) clinging onto me. After I scrambled to get away from the mosquitos, I feel sweat pouring over my face. There were no clouds.....just one hot sun. I wondered to myself if it was worth it. I was halfway to her house.......could she be worth going the distance?

I pressed on.

But to make a long story short. It seems fun for her to play with my heart. Broke up with me for the physical embraces of another. And yet, 2 weeks after that, she comes crawling back to me. I suggested that we talk it out first because I was in turmoil......but nooooooo. She doesn't seem to want to talk it out, but tries to rush me for an answer: Yes............or No?

Now, she's still not making it clear. Going back to the guy she dumped.

Sounds familiar right?

UPDATE: (15.09.13)
Just a quick edit. Despite her breaking my heart, I accepted her back and visited Canada in the summer of 2012. That was the time I thought I could make this solid. Don't get me wrong, we didn't break up that that time. It was almost a year later that we first broke up, and have since been on and off until we finally ended the relationship around April/May 2013.
She told me that she got tired of it all. I personally think she was cheating on me. Throughout the year and nine months we've been together, I caught her several times talking "dirty" to several guys. A day after she broke up with me, she told me that she wanted to talk to me. I humored her longing for conversation, where she said that she still had feelings for me....I believed her, but stayed firm in not going back, as I have told myself to do: No more of her!
For almost a week, she kept at it.....and that softened me up. I unblocked her on facebook, and what do I see? Her, and her ex, back together again. I laughed. Laughed as if I had turned into one of Joker's minions.
After my little episode of insanity, I've decided to end all contact with her.


More new stuff to come....remember that glue I talked about in the start? A better glue came my way...

The fighting becomes harder.....

Tuesday

1:04 am

It's been a little more than two years since my sister and I returned to Denmark, and almost a year since I've been in this semi-depressed state. It isn't very christian-like to feel depressed I know, but it's just very heavy on me now, even for a guy who usually brushes off these kinds of feelings and see the bright side of things. But I need to carry on. I need to press forward, even in the most grueling circumstances like a good soldier does.

Just as the rain outside that just stopped, these obstacles should dissipate soon. Alas, it'll take some time at least. It just seems that time has been against me lately. Waiting for responses from companies to hire me as an apprentice. Waiting on my student support. Waiting on the possibilities of having an apprenticeship in Canada. Every good thing that would really help me on my situation required TIME! Sometimes, I have a small problem with patience.

But as I mentioned earlier, I must remain a good soldier and press on. In a war, there is no rest. The fights don't ease up, they only get harder, which really tests ones strength.

For now, it seems that the only thing I (and others) can do, is pray and rely fully on God.

Hjemmeværnet: First visit

Thursday

1:49 am

A month has passed since my last blog. During this time however, an exciting part of my journey had taken place. It seems everything is starting to fall into place. First, by being accepted into the Danish National Guard (Hjemmeværnet) and school!

It was a rainy tuesday evening and I came early. I emailed the national guard on how to apply, and managed to speak with someone within the barracks. I was excited about meeting a soldier and discussing recruitment. But I was early, and from the looks of it, there were a few other soldiers standing around the barracks' center court. I parked my bike on the bike stands on the opposite side of the small, cobble stoned road, and decided to wait in the nearby park, listening to music on my ipod. "What a weird start" I thought. And to make it worse, I had to go. You know, go! My bladder decided to fill up at that moment and I was too shy to even go around the barracks, asking soldiers where the toilet is. Thankfully, I was in a park. A park that had small routes that seemed deserted with large, thick bushes. So, in a heartbeat, I stood close to the edge next to the bush, whipped out my junior and went as fast as I could by urinating on such a high pressure, it could probably look like a decent sprinkler if pointed upwards (ok maybe not). While going about my "business", I kept looking left and right in paranoia, thinking that a random passer-by would spot me. But I was lucky and was relieved. The time went near to 19:00 hours (7 pm), the time that I was supposed to meet ------ ----- (probably for security purposes, I'm not going to mention name and rank). Let's just call him, Billy Bob! I tried finding Billy Bob and actually went into the depot room (where we get our equipment and uniform), so I gathered enough nerves to ask the soldier standing next to me. He told me to go inside this building and up the stairs. I saw a guy standing at the top of the stairs and asked the same question to him. "I am Billy Bob!" he said. I was relieved and shook his hand firmly. Anyhow, He told me to stay put in a social room for the soldiers and to fill out my application form while he had to attend a short meeting. While waiting, I filled out the form and was offered a soda. Billy Bob later came back and told me to follow him outside the courtyard where a whole company (I think) were having announcements being made and other stuff. I stood beside another recruit who was also instructed to meet Billy Bob. His name was Mickey. So Mickey and I just watched what the company was doing, listening in on what they were talking about, had small-talk with him, and waiting. When the soldiers were done doing what they were doing, Billy Bob had told my platoon leader about me, and I was offered to come along on a little 5 km run. I said "sure" and he went to ask if that was ok, but it wasn't. So Mickey and I followed Billy Bob into that social room where I had been previously in. There, Mickey partially filled out his form when we were called by Billy Bob into a conference room. There he discussed, briefly, what the National guard is, what it does, and etc, etc. We both shook his hand and went off. 2 and a half months passed, and my security background check passed, and I was going to be a soldier.

Life, Love...................................and beef jerky!

Thursday

7:35 pm

The sky was clear. The sun's brightness covering everything in its path. Including the planes that came into view from the top of the window. Its make unidentifiable through the blinds. As it flew away further, the blinds rolled down, startling anyone near it. I watched through what was left of the uncovered window, and saw the men working alongside an aircraft, making themselves seem puny. I looked up towards the heaven again, but this time a cloud came over.....and it brought with it, a whole armada of clouds. It soon turned grey, and suddenly, without warning, it started to rain. It felt dark....and sad. I had just left my girlfriend, whom I just started having a relationship with, less than a week ago. I guess I felt miserable already. Played around with my half-finished can of Monster Energy Drink. This would have been my 2nd for the day. Focusing back on the weather, you could tell it was windy outside...as if a storm had just brewed up. Finished my drink and pissed off the remains of my earlier one. I went back to my seat to find the weather had turned nice again. That same sunshine, now giving its warmth to everything (and everyone) that had been exposed to the rain. It wasn't till after maybe 10 minutes when a voice over the P.A. announced that Continental flight 2389 with service to Newark was now boarding.

Kept her on my mind and how far I must be from her. Had also thought of what I would be doing in the near future.....what I would be doing, in the distant future. It should have been a joyous occasion. I'm finally getting into the national guard, getting military experience, but being away from the person I dearly love....and loves me back. Going, and rising up through the clouds, it felt like a dream. Being as close to heaven as you could. If only I was outside, just flying all by myself, reaching out to God. And the sunshine on all the cloud cover, and the shadows with the same forms of the clouds above against beautiful green landscape. With hills here and there, just another place that I wished I could take her.

About an hour and a half, I was beginning to see residential areas and schools. I tried amusing myself by trying to spot individuals on the ground or cars moving on a chosen road. And most roads I chose were empty. So my fun level was about to go down when we were suddenly flying parallel to a large city with tall buildings. One in particular looked alot like the Empire State. I thought to myself, is Newark really that close to New York City? I knew beforehand that Jersey was sort of the sub-city or suburb to New York city. But I was gonna brush it off my mind when I saw the harbour...............and then I saw something incredible; The Statue....of Liberty! I was thankful for being seated all the way into the rear, because my mouth hung open and eyes wide in awe. I thought to myself, "OH.........MY...........GOSH". I saw that recognizable aqua-bluish colour on that little island. I'll never forget it. Quickly, my thoughts shifted to the building that I saw. IT WAS THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING! Yes, yes, you may say that it's no big deal and that I'm overreacting. But I've not seen many famous places, things, or people. So yeah, cut me some slack will ya?

Now, picture this; there can be around 10,000 ants in an ant colony. That's how I felt when I stepped out of the terminal transit of Newark's airport. It might have been because it was a saturday, but there just seemed to be an awful big wave of people, and more were coming in through the front doors. Even so, the lines for the security checkpoint weren't bad. Of course, they had to open up a new scanner station to accommodate more people. After I went through, I looked all around and observed my surroundings. All I could conclude of it was, that this was the single biggest gathering of Americans that I've been in. Not that I'm racist, they just seem different to me. I don't seem to know why. Wasn't long till I found my gate. Found it after standing on the moving floors. Don't really know what to call them. Flat escalators? Whatever it's called, I always enjoyed them. As I sat down, I noticed that I am among Danes now. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise since we all assumed we were Danes when we're waiting for the same flight that would fly to Copenhagen, Denmark. Of course, there were other nationalities as well such as Swedes and even Americans. I think I waited for about 40 minutes till we were let in. I had an aisle seat. No, not the ones where they're in the middle. The Boeing 757 had only 2 rows of 3 seats on either side. The 2 other seats were for a couple. I couldn't understand what they were saying, so I took them for either Greeks, or Italians.....not sure. Annoying P.A. announcements soon followed with recordings of the safety instructions and general rules in both english and danish. It was kind of annoying. Even the pilot was annoying when he got on. He kept saying that our estimated flight time would be "7 hours and 7 minutes". After we took off, I immediately watched a movie that I browsed through before even moving. I watched the "A-team", which was pretty good. I haven't personally watched the old series, but this film was pretty decent. Not the best, but pretty decent. Good storyline, acting, and effects. I had also watched "Enemy of the State", which I have watched before along with some hilarious episodes of "House, md". There were instances where I wanted to crack out loud. Meals were good and overall rating of Continental airlines is pretty good. I liked it.

About 15 minutes to landing, I looked out the window, and saw Denmark for the first time in 2 months. The weather was the usual Danish weather: Cloudy. After getting my luggage, I waited for about 45 minutes till my landlady finally found me and drove me back "home". 8:30 am, and I was back in my room. I checked my closet to find the USB drive a friend of mine had left me, containing a digital copy of "The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day". It's a shame that he had already left Denmark. He was sort of my best friend, if not, a really, really good friend to me. Especially in this house. We would keep each other company almost every single day. We were each other's gaming buddy. I decided not to sleep (as it was around 8:30 am which is 2:30 am in Toronto), because I needed to adjust to the timezone immediately. So, I went to church and caught up with friends. I had picked up a pack of beef jerky for another friend of mine. Another female friend came up to me and asked if I had gotten her chocolate. I was speechless and kind of ashamed. I remembered to bring beef jerky to one friend when I did say that I would bring chocolate as well. I had simply forgotten. After church, it was time to hit the hay. In total, I had stayed awake for 33 hours. That's the longest I've been able to do. I guess drinking 2 Monster Energy drinks can help....along with seat mates who take the armrest for themelves on a plane.

Although with the technological breakthrough of the Internet to enable us to stay in touch with our loved ones, it's not the same. Oh, how I long for her presence. Her touch, her smell, her face. Oh how I miss feeling her through holding her and embracing her.

Back in Canada....in time for celebrations, friend-, and hardships (PART THREE)

Thursday

1:22 am

Well, it's official. July 02, 2010, my sister became mrs. Garcia, and I, a brother-in-law to her husband, my friend.


What a hectic day. I was told to keep my sister company in her hotel room as she would be sleeping alone. About 12 or 1 in the morning, as she was taking a shower, I decided to come up with my speech as I was notified that I would be making one. Seeing myself as her only family showing up to the wedding, it was my duty to make a speech. Sat down at the desk, found the hotel pen and block of paper, and went at it. It was kind of hard to think of something touching to say in front of 150 people. I wanted to say something that would melt people's hearts, or even make some cry. I probably made three or four paperballs until I wrote something good.


Woke up. It was about 7.50 am and I wanted to stay asleep. But my subconscious told me to remind my sister of what she told me; "the hairdresser will be here at 8". Got picked up later by my brother-in-law and his cousin (yeah I know, the groom isn't supposed to see his bride yet but whatever), and went to "Cora's Breakfast". Love that place. Ordered the special as I had previously done a year ago, before we took off for Denmark. Being with the whole Garcia clan, we took pretty much atleast a third of all the seats in the restaurant because there seemed to be a HUGE line-up, waiting to get seated. It was pretty nice, my meal consisted of two sunnyside up eggs, a few strips of bacon, a couple of sausages, pancakes, a slice of ham, a slice of honeymelon, sliced strawberry, and toasted white bread. Don't remember if there were more. Well, later on that morning, it turned out that a friend of ours and I became the garbage disposal units for everyone asking if we could eat this and that for them.


Arrived at the event to set-up my drums and preparing for the sound check. We had a few technical problems such as feedback (of course), sound coming in from only one channel, my kick in the sub sounding weird, wires not working properly, shortage of wires, wires being too short, changing microphones, etc etc. I couldn't wait to start playing.


And here comes the hectic part. We had to get 44 bottles of non-alcoholic sparkling wine. The bad part of it was that I had already put on my shirt before we took off. So I felt like I crumpled my shirt but I know I definitely was sweating. Well, we eventually found them, 22 white wine, and 22 red. Then there were huge line-ups. For a place that had 15 cash registers, I wonder why only like 4 or 5 of them were open. It was just great that one was just opening and the lady chose us to be first because we had so many bottles to purchase.
Finally had the wines delivered to the kitchen, and now it was time for us to really get ready. We found a change room in which we all got ready in no time. Unfortunately, the photographer who was hired, wanted to take pictures of us getting ready....not when we already are ready. So, we had to kind of improvise like making small fixes to our neck ties, all looking in the mirror, check our hair, our phones, chatting, and whatnot fake stuff. My hair was awesome. A guy whom we play with, had his can of strong hairspray and sprayed it all over my hair, despite me already having strong hair gel on. My hair looked awesome though still, with a short faux hawk going all the way to the back. My shirt and jacket were fitting, so it was even better.
Waiting for the procession to start was kind of nerve-wracking. I was taking pictures of people whilst waiting to get called to pass the time. Finally, it was time. My partner, my brother-in-law's cousin, looked stunning. He told me one time that I should try to get with her. I don't know, it just doesn't seem right if it's his cousin.....even if we're only related by marriage. It still feels weird. Then, it was our turn to walk.

Don't I just look so stunningly handsome? It was funny because after I escorted her to her place, I sneaked out the back door and had to walk my sister as well.

Back in Canada....in time for celebrations, friend-, and hardships (PART TWO)

Wednesday

12:56 am

It was a weird feeling. Seeing my sister and friends again. Forgot how warm the weather could get. Made it even worse for me, wearing double jackets. The first thing we all did together, was watch my brother-in-law's basketball game with some other familiar faces who later greeted me after the game. I was very tired as I've been awake for almost 24 hours straight. I needed some shut-eye. Then my brother-in-law's other brother, my former worship leader and now youth pastor, comes rolling in a brand new Hyundai Genesis Coupe'. He sees me for the first time with a big smile on his face and sheer surprise at how big I've gotten. Not big as in fat.....just, bigger in muscle size. I had been working out for a few months to get in shape for the army, and more recently, for Canada. I have noticed that I've been getting more attention lately by the ladies since arriving. After the wedding, I had met up with a former classmate who sure got surprised at how big I've gotten. She grabbed my arm and made me flex it to show it. "You weren't like that before" she said. True enough, I had been the skinny guy that everyone used to know me by.

Seeing me was great for everyone, but my sister had other things in her agenda to take care of. First and foremost was the wedding. So many small, yet important, details had to be made ready, then there were the shirts for the groomsmen, the food, the time schedule, and last, but certainly not least, our mother. It wasn't much going to be like facing her face-to-face. Just sending the invitation was hard on my sis and she wanted to give a phone call. But because it would take about three business days to deliver the letter, she was under pressure to do it, and do it soon. Finally, she sent it on a monday, in the same week as the wedding, which was on a friday. She tried to call but no one answered so she left an email. We didn't expect our mother to show up and sure enough, she didn't. My mother had sent an email stating that we deliberately sent the invitation too late for them to attend. She made it clear that they received it in their afternoon mail the same day as the wedding. But she had it all wrong. We expected it to arrive three days after monday, on a thursday. But then we remembered something. Thursday, the day before the wedding, was July 1st.....Canada Day! That meant no work on that day. My pastor (and now my sister's mother-in-law) says it was a divine intervention that it was delayed such as that, or else my mom would have come in time and objected to the wedding.

I'll end this part, in the enjoyment of reading my mother's email to me, to read aloud to all of the guests of the event.

Back in Canada....in time for celebrations, friend-, and hardships (PART ONE)

Tuesday

1:14 am

It's been another long 5 months and back in Canada. It was awesome seeing old faces and even new ones. But the main purpose of my visit was my sister's wedding. Despite my mom voicing her protests about my support for the wedding and her repeating commands not to. Thing is, I've already made up my mind to come and join my sister as I do support it.

I stayed up all night to pack the remainder of my stuff, and still decided what I should bring to look good as well. I admit, I might have brought a few useless items like my leather jacket that I only wore on my flight and my favorite coat. Well, I guess I had thought that it would be used for the wedding but I had completely forgotten that my sister already got me a suit. I sigh everytime I look at it now. Other stuff like my working boots, gloves, balaclava (ski mask), army-style pants, and turtle-necks, were gonna be for paintballing (which is going to happen this coming saturday). In the somewhat endless confusion about what to bring and weighing my bag, I had finally finished packing and gathered all my important documents such as my itinerary, passport, laptop and whatnot, and just when I was about to leave, I drank what was left of my milk in the fridge and headed out the door. It was still kind of dark with that light blue sky coming out of the east. I put on my training gloves, my father's leather jacket with my hoody underneath it, and went my way. I always seemed to look intense whenever I had my gloves on. People would stare and I could feel it....even more so with my cool leather jacket on. Luckily, there weren't alot of people but it seemed that I certainly caught the attention of a paper guy biking around the neigborhood. I'm not exactly sure whether it was my appearance, the time in which I was travelling with my bag at, or the noise it was making, but it just bothered me.

Waited for about half an hour at the nearest train station for the next train towards the airport. It was totally deserted. And as my mind pondered on how my journey back was going to be, and the cold and tiredness was slowly coming to me, I had to go. You know, GO! So I checked for the cameras, went to the nearest bush that wasn't pointed in the direction where I was about to handle my...."business".....and went. I hate having to feel paranoid about if anyone's going to walk in on you. I know it's a common sight in Copenhagen and many parts of the world, but it gets to me sometimes. The train finally came, and in almost no time, I was at the airport....well before my departure time. Then as I was heading to my check-in counter, I figured I'd grab smirnoff's vodka-apple mix from the 7-11 since I had plenty of time. Tasted great.

The flight to Paris was alright. I actually felt really tired. So tired, I was half asleep when breakfast was served. It was kind of funny because when I was fully awake, it was the time that they were cleaning up all the trays and cups from the passengers. So one of them was surprised that I wasn't served. I guess it was my fault for kinda sleeping. After touchdown in Paris, we had such a long taxi to the terminal gate. Probably the longest that I've ever been in, but it was worth it because we passed by the Airbus A380 and gave me the opportunity to see it in person. It seemed bigger on TV though. The terminal buildings looked nice in Paris, but I'd complain more on the interior designs. There weren't enough seats, terminals were jam-packed, and it was hot inside.

Waited for about 5 hours before being loaded into a shuttle bus that drove us passengers to our plane sitting on the tarmac. Overall, I'd say Air France was alright in terms of entertainment choices and food, but their interior seemed cheap. First off, the plastic cover for one of my armrests was cracked, but it wasn't a biggie to bother me much. Secondly, whenever the passenger in front of me wanted to turn her light on, my light would go on instead. I tried mine to see if it would affect hers, but it just turned mine off. I guess someone screwed up on the wiring. Thirdly, the little touch screen was a little hard to operate because it sometimes needed a second or harder tap to respond. But hey, at least I finally got to see "Avatar". But something else would make this trip the worst one I've ever had. BABIES! Oh my gosh, I used to ignore them but this was different. There were three babies, two further down in front of me to both sides, and the third a few rows back on the right.....ALL CRYING SIMULTANEOUSLY! It was almost surround sound of babies!

Finally got off the plane 7 or 8 hours later, and I was ready to face Immigration Canada about my stay. My sister was worried whether I'd be tied up with them because of my visa and such. It was kind of tense because there were long line-ups to pass through customs. The key to getting through is simple; Act cool! He asked the nature of my stay and I was being honest to the officer (he was Asian and seemed really young, like fresh out of college. Skinny too, for a customs officer). But everything was in order and I got a specific mark that would allow me passage and claim my bag. As I got out, I almost felt as if I was a superstar because many people had been piling up at the exit, looking for their friends or loved ones coming back. I stood in the middle of the doors to just try and find a familiar face. No one seemed recognizable, so I sat down, took off my jackets as I was starting to sweat. After about sitting there for, oh I don't know, 5, 10 minutes, I got up and decided to look for them further down the terminal but I felt like doing a quick sweep across that pile that I mentioned and sure enough, I saw two familiar people. My sister and a friend. I surprised them from behind saying; "Well you guys suck at finding people". They both saw me with big eyes and hugged me.....and I hugged my sister.