Sunday
10:23 am
6 months ago, it just seemed I just wanted to go wherever life took me. It was fun while it lasted for two years. Until one day at around April and may, at a time when it just became warm, with a light breeze. The kind that can put you to sleep on a soft, green grass field. Just as soft as your bed and as comfortable as snuggling with your thick warm blanket. I thought that dream would finally become reality. I came back to Denmark 3 months ago, at the beginning of July. I told myself, "At last, I have returned to my home country, I am home.", but it really does feel like I'm at a foreign country and despite my best efforts, it seems everything wants to work against me to get to my dreams. Almost as if it wasn't meant to be. I wonder if I should just quit and go for option 3, Networking.
I thought Canada could kick-start my life. Finish school and join the army or get some kind of job. Car, house and possibly even a girlfriend. I was even just going with the flow. I'd do whatever pleased me; gaming non-stop for hours, ride my bike whenever I wanted, cheap food (like McDonald's and everything else), Monster Energy drink, which can't be found in Denmark, hanging out with my friends, my church. I felt more free, but then again, I was basically a bum. Doing nothing productive. I finished high school and never had plans for college since I had planned of joining the Air Force. I just had a problem. I couldn't join because I'm not a citizen, heck, I don't even have a residence permit. The most productive thing I can do is get a 'under-the-table' job. Pay is good, but it comes at a price.....it is HARD-ASS LABOUR! Even though it kinda sucked ass, the pay was good and I was just starting to like it. Heck, I'm starting to miss it. I miss biking 30 km!
It's been nothing but a disaster. Maybe my friend was right, it probably is a waste of time being here. I've become more depressed about everything. My sister ain't even encouraging me. I asked her, honestly, what she'd rather have me do is come back to Canada and stay there. Stop all my studies in an attempt to improve my Danish and just trying to get qualified to join the military. And all that gets fueled up by something else. I can't even contact my mom, who was gonna buy us an apartment here and we'd be paying her rent. I just found a place she was interested in and looked at it and when I had to contact her, I can't reach her. I tried calling her (even though I knew it would be a long-distance call), the phone tells me that the number is locked. My sister had told me that our mom recently called and said they were starting to have financial trouble. In my head, I was just starting to go "wow, it finally happened." My mom had forced my step dad to buy her an SUV! It was the base model too which meant it was the cheapest and slowest. Seriously, where in the world could you find an SUV with only 4 cylinders? Oh I know! AT OUR PLACE! How pathetic is that? That thing costs like 30 grand and our folks say they can't afford my sister's tuition fees which are 7 grand per semester, and she only had to do 3 semesters! What does our mom do? Force our step dad to purchase a $1500 dining table! WTF! My life was crap from the moment we moved to Philippines and I've only realized that recently. I am at my breaking point.
10:23 am
6 months ago, it just seemed I just wanted to go wherever life took me. It was fun while it lasted for two years. Until one day at around April and may, at a time when it just became warm, with a light breeze. The kind that can put you to sleep on a soft, green grass field. Just as soft as your bed and as comfortable as snuggling with your thick warm blanket. I thought that dream would finally become reality. I came back to Denmark 3 months ago, at the beginning of July. I told myself, "At last, I have returned to my home country, I am home.", but it really does feel like I'm at a foreign country and despite my best efforts, it seems everything wants to work against me to get to my dreams. Almost as if it wasn't meant to be. I wonder if I should just quit and go for option 3, Networking.
I thought Canada could kick-start my life. Finish school and join the army or get some kind of job. Car, house and possibly even a girlfriend. I was even just going with the flow. I'd do whatever pleased me; gaming non-stop for hours, ride my bike whenever I wanted, cheap food (like McDonald's and everything else), Monster Energy drink, which can't be found in Denmark, hanging out with my friends, my church. I felt more free, but then again, I was basically a bum. Doing nothing productive. I finished high school and never had plans for college since I had planned of joining the Air Force. I just had a problem. I couldn't join because I'm not a citizen, heck, I don't even have a residence permit. The most productive thing I can do is get a 'under-the-table' job. Pay is good, but it comes at a price.....it is HARD-ASS LABOUR! Even though it kinda sucked ass, the pay was good and I was just starting to like it. Heck, I'm starting to miss it. I miss biking 30 km!
It's been nothing but a disaster. Maybe my friend was right, it probably is a waste of time being here. I've become more depressed about everything. My sister ain't even encouraging me. I asked her, honestly, what she'd rather have me do is come back to Canada and stay there. Stop all my studies in an attempt to improve my Danish and just trying to get qualified to join the military. And all that gets fueled up by something else. I can't even contact my mom, who was gonna buy us an apartment here and we'd be paying her rent. I just found a place she was interested in and looked at it and when I had to contact her, I can't reach her. I tried calling her (even though I knew it would be a long-distance call), the phone tells me that the number is locked. My sister had told me that our mom recently called and said they were starting to have financial trouble. In my head, I was just starting to go "wow, it finally happened." My mom had forced my step dad to buy her an SUV! It was the base model too which meant it was the cheapest and slowest. Seriously, where in the world could you find an SUV with only 4 cylinders? Oh I know! AT OUR PLACE! How pathetic is that? That thing costs like 30 grand and our folks say they can't afford my sister's tuition fees which are 7 grand per semester, and she only had to do 3 semesters! What does our mom do? Force our step dad to purchase a $1500 dining table! WTF! My life was crap from the moment we moved to Philippines and I've only realized that recently. I am at my breaking point.
